Monday, October 20, 2003

If the Revolution is to be televised, I hope ITV don't have the rights. Judging by their coverage of the Rugby World Cup it will probably follow a similar pattern of 3 minutes of inane preview, 2 minutes of childish banter and thigh-slapping, followed by 10 minutes of adverts, then 5 minutes about Jonny Wilkinson (they've heard of him see, he's Dave Becks's best mate!), and 10 more minutes of the same ads as before, and back to the action just in time to have missed the national anthems and the team line-ups.

Like a G to a C#, on a different note things at work have been eventful. Firstly my dear old Ma will be leaving the firm for a similar job in Wellington (next to the Red Lion pub!). This environmental change has repercussions on myself further than the transport dilemma I am now faced with. Oh yes indeed. For I am now the Master of the Universe. Oh hang on that's He-Man. I'm going to be Assistant Manager of the Payroll Department, and will have the pay to match from next month. Joy of joys, eh?

I have my fifth lesson learning that lyrical language of the ancient Britons tonight, namely the tongue of the Welsh (I'm not doing that joke about it being the first bit of Welsh tongue I've had since I was at Uni, it's far too obvious... what? eh? Oh too late!).

And finally, I won the company-wide Fantasy F1 competition last week, beating staff from such delightful places as Birmingham, Bristol, Swindon, and Leeds.
The prize: a trip to Silverstone and an opportunity to tear-arse it around the hallowed circuit in a powerful little racer.
The almost inevitable drawback: must have one year's clean driving license. Ah, driving license you say! I'm afraid I don't have one, clean or utterly filthy.
The solution: so I'm going to exchange it for loose women (or possibly money). I'm told it's worth 190 English quids, so should be a nice little earner. Thank you Messrs Shumacher, Raikkonen and Montoya.


Friday, October 03, 2003

Unlike the irrepressible Dave G I haven't fallen in love even once this month, in fact I haven't done much at all, hence the rather Oakengates-on-a-wet-Wednesday-night like activity of late, here on my acclaimed blog.

Well seeing as you're here I may as well tell you how I've been spending the last few weeks. I can tell from the nervous twitching and somewhat unattractive dribbling that that's why you're here.

There's been ups: More people from work have left, thusly spawning forth leaving do's like a council estate woman spawns sprogs. The one in Wellington was fun, and I didn't disappoint in the level of pissedness I achieved, I'd like to thank you all and I hope I'm an inspiration to you too. I have also started college to learn Welsh. I'd forgotten how hard it is to learn languages, but I'm giving it a whirl. Iawn!

There's been downs: As the leaves golden and descend spiralling toward the carpetted earth, so the temperature drops and the viruses put their scarves and gloves on and prey upon a confused public in a calculated and measured fashion. In other (bollocks-free) words I've been poorly. Laying me low for a total of two and a half working days and a complete weekend (where's the justice in that?). I'm better now, or maybe my health threshold has dropped and I'm still ill but don't know it anymore, and will keep deteriorating in this way until I die an insignificant death aged 27, no wait... I am better, my nose has stopped running. Phew!

There's been ups resulting from the downs: Being ill means you are not what I like to call 'pub-fit'. This is when you know you are sick and not just skiving/hungover/both. Of course not being pub-fit is very serious, but it does have one (and only one) benefit, you don't become what I term as 'pub-skint'. So this month with money saved I intend to get very drunk very often to make up for last month.

There's been work-related ups: I managed to blag a payrise, with backpay, so I can give even more to The Crown Inn charity for odd landlords. One-nil. And I have been banned from working upstairs in the tax department due to being a 'distracting influence' and for resulting in productivity of the department dropping considerably. Two-nil. My aim is for them to pay me double to stay at home because I'm too disruptive to be anywhere else!

There's been work-related downs: I've been to work. Except for when I was ill, and then I couldn't enjoy being off anyway.

That's me and my September, and here is a list of some of my favourite words: 'dilligent', 'equine', 'Wollagong', 'onomatopoeic', 'Grolsch', and 'me'. Of course.