Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Touch Sensitive

Like a one-legged nun in a clergy marathon I have some catching up to do. On Thursday night it was the second installment of work's hectic social itinery. This time it was off to a scruffy end of Wolverhampton (OK, scruffier), Monmore Green to be specific. And while it wasn't as green as it's name suggests it was much smarter and more impressive than my expectations or the surroundings had had me believe. One of the highlights for me was the bizarre sign language the paddock punters use to communicate odds and prices, with their arms waving like Jarvis Cocker mid-'Do You Remember the First Time' at Glastonbury 1995. One particular chap had me fixated, looking like a skinnier Michael Caine with face as still as a waxwork and limbs everywhere 'like a mad octopus' (© Bill McLaren-rugby commentator). As for the dogs, well I didn't do too badly actually, in fact had I not been drinking quite as heavily I would have been in profit. Even so I had a great night bet on about ten of the twelve races and had food and a few pints and my total spending failed to exceed seven pounds. On the way back some local pre-pubescent scallies shied rocks at the coach, anyone know if Wolverhampton is twinned with the Gaza Strip?

Friday night involved a number of pints, a pair of radio gods, The Crown Inn, good laughs, and a few cans back at the ranch afterwards. Saturday consisted of lying in bed, playing Championship Manager, and little else. Yesteday at work I smacked me noggin on a shelf, or more accurately the backet holding it up. My head started bleeding and the room spinning like it was a Friday night. I signed the accidnet book, and went home. I stayed away today and looked on the internet for safer jobs such as lumberjack, stuntman or John Leslie's PR adviser.

If anyone out there has any better ideas for a dangerous job, or anything really let me know, I want this here blog to be more interactive so input minions, thats what you are there for (and no, it's not cos I'm running out of things to say).